Lucky
by WhiteBlueJay
Summary: Harry always had mixed feelings about being called lucky. The word was simply misleading. Why would anyone ever want to be considered lucky if the price was being left with a burden. A little OOC, HPSS, some fluff with a dash of angst. Enjoy.


**I had decided to write something fluffy, sort of, with a little bit of angst thrown in. This is something that I came up with in a day, plus it is not betaread so all mistakes are mine. **

**Disclaimer: I most definately do not own Harry Potter. **

Lucky.

I was never sure whether or not I had ever considered myself truly lucky. There were times in my life where I wished that I had not been lucky at all, but there were also times in my life where I was thankful for my so called luck. With all the mishaps that had occurred in my life I wasn't sure if I trusted the true wisdom of that word. Sometimes I would look up at the sky and wonder what was the definition of lucky? Was it that I had survived Voldemort on more than several occasions or being rich? If that was the case then I wish I had never gotten lucky.

If people had told me fifteen years ago that I was lucky I would have wondered about their judgment of the definition of that blasted word. I simply do not find myself lucky in being treated like a servant by my own blood relatives. I was miserable there, not just because my worth was lower than, say, a standard human, but because I was never shown true family love. I was extra baggage, an annoying bug that never went away. I had felt all of their resentment and after time I had started to believe it. But I couldn't show that to the outside world. No, certainly not. If I was to get love I would need to suck it up and try to be strong.

However, if they had told me I was lucky _fourteen_ years ago I would have considered that statement because I had finally met people who found me somewhat interesting. They had become my friends and for the first time in my life I began to feel a little better. But, of course, fate was not a kind creature, at least not to me.

As the years had progressed I found myself beginning to see the world for what it really was - a dark place full of those who tried to make it better and those who wanted to destroy it for their personal reasons. Between having those close to me dye and trying to stay alive I was beginning to doubt the power of the word lucky. The things I saw with my eyes and the things that I had experienced I felt cheated of that word. My life may have been saved on numerous occasions, but was luck worth the price of my misery?

I was born with a burden and in some sense I had thought that I would die with that same burden. At that time, when hope was bleak, I had hoped, wished, prayed for being lucky yet again. Not because I wanted to survive, no, that was certainly not the reason; the only thing I wished for was to die in peace.

Not just in peace with myself.

Or the people I know.

No, I wished to die in peace with the world.

But then, just because fate is a fickle creature, everything in my life took a turn for the unknown. At the time I wasn't sure whether it was for the better or for the worse. To me the events of such happenings seemed too real, too good to be true. But they happened and for the first time in my life I felt loved. Not the friendship kind of love, but the true, passionate, painful, but oh, so rewarding kind of love that left me feeling more calm and peaceful than I had ever felt before.

He had taken care of me for several months before the final battle. I had never felt so complete before and the idea of such happiness scared me, because I knew it would all be taken away when I least expected it.

I was right on my assumption. The person who cared for me, loved me like no one else had before, the person who understood me was taken away from me just like many of those who I had loved. I felt so bitter, and angry. Not just at the world, but also at myself. I had allowed someone to enter my heart without knowing what kind of mind numbing pain would come if that person had ceased to exist.

I had cursed every single star in space, every single deity known to man-kind. I cursed him and I cursed myself. I had brought this upon myself, hadn't I?

The pain was nothing like I had ever experienced before, it absolutely ripped me to shreds and destroyed my heart. Voldemort had taken from me once more and fate was there to encourage him on. Anger had surged through me like a tsunami, overflowing every single particle of my body. I had sworn that I would kill him and if that meant dying along with the vile man then I would embrace death with open arms, hoping that he would be there to greet me.

But I had survived. The man was dead, but he did not take me with him.

All I was left with were the empty bodies of the people I had loved. Remus, Fred, they were all taken away from me including my love.

I was upset; I could not join my love in the afterlife that we both wished for. I was not at a place that didn't have pain or suffering, I was not at a place that united dead family members and all the past lovers. Instead I was at the same place I was before; a place full of pain and suffering, a place that did not unite dead family members and past lovers.

To me, the word lucky represented grief, loss, anger, remorse. I didn't feel lucky at all. I felt damned, damned to be in a world that made me wish for death and resent life.

But fate was finally my friend. She had decided to end my suffering and let be happy for a change. She had let my love survive, barely, but it was better than dead.

I had once again regained faith in luck, especially at the site of my breathing, living love.

He was alive. He had lived.

In all my life I had never felt such relief at something as mundane as life.

Now I was happy that I had survived. I had finally begun to accept all of the horrid things that had happened to me. They had brought something so important to my life. They had brought something that made me want to live again and made me let go of all of my unhappiness I had harbored.

They had brought me love.

And lying here with Severus, my love, in the courtyard where my big adventures started, with our kids running around, I was finally able to say something that I had rarely considered in the 26 years of my existence.

I was finally, truly happy.

And I had luck to thank for that.

**A/N - I have not given up on my other story, ch.2 will be posted soon. Thank you.**


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